I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
