I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
