She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
