I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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