Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm having to shit out rocks
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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