Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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