dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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