Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
