her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
