bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
