I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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