I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
