i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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