why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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