watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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