Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
