I wish I could teleport
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
