I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was born a porn star she said
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
