i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
God, I missed his penis.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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