i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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