You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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