ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
