shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
