i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We need a shit load of segways right now
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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