My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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