Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
