i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
