im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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