Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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