Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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