Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
