your parents love me but you hate me
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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