I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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