now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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