maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
