Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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