My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
