***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I wear drunk well.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
