apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
