Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
