Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
