I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
