God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm at about main and main street
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
