i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
