I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
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MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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