Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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