He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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