i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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