3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
