i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
