So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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