just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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