Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
