you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
