Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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