i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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