i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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