guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
