We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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