i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
