Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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