Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
