lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
