thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
