They should really pass out barf bags in church
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
