Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
