I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
