i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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