a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
