I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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