what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
