This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
