If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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