she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
