I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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