you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
