I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
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Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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